The Ultimate Plot Device II
by Sheo Darren
Summary: Belated sequel to the oneshot The Ultimate Plot Device. And now the story behind Gouki's uncharacteristic behavior surfaces! Chapter 8. His name is John Constantine...
1. Monster Versus Monster

**1980s**

A man kills his sensei, then his brother, in combat. He becomes the only heir of the Ansatsuken. Ever since, he has continuously trained and gotten stronger.

Oh, and he has a one-inch punch that sinks islands.

**  
1990s**

The French test a nuclear bomb on a tranquil Pacific. The radioactive fallout mutates a lone marine iguana egg. It hatches. The creature has continually grown and gotten bigger.

Oh, and it has an explosive flame belch.

**  
**Now, the monsters that those events created would cross paths in a momentous clash in…

* * *

**  
The Ultimate Plot Device II**

"**Destroy All Enemies!"**

**  
**Written by Sheo Darren under threat of death from Gouki for calling him by his bastardized Capcom USA name

Conceived by Sho Tsuzuku and Sheo Darren on a boring day with too much booze at hand with Gouki within hearing range

**  
Chapter 01**

**Monster Against Monster**

**(a.k.a. Gouki versus Zilla)**

**(with side cameo appearance of Tobey Maguire )**

**  
**

* * *

** Disclaimer: **I don't own Street Fighter, neither Japanese nor American versions of Godzilla, and Spiderman. Hell, I don't even have toys from any of those series. --

Dedicated to **LegendarySuperNamek**. I would have forgotten about this fic had he not stumbled across it out of curiosity. Thank you.

* * *

**  
2000**

The city, already drab during the dry season, turned an ominous gray as the storm hit. Grumpy pedestrians flooded the wet sidewalks and cursed the crazy Puerto Rican taxi drivers who sprayed them with water while breaking the speed limit for their fares. Some poor puke was being mugged in Central Park– before New York's favorite friendly neighborhood superhero citizen dropped by for some web-slinging, ass-kicking action.

Just another day in New York City.

At the docks, a fisherman tried for the millionth time to catch something remotely alive in the polluted waters of New York Harbor.

He got his wish. It was almost the last thing he did.

The waters heaved. Something monstrous rose out of the gray depths. Something scaled and fanged and reptilian, two hundred feet in height and thrice as long as it was tall, it was a monster straight out of a comic book or movie.

It roared.

**  
**_ "A monster has just appeared in New York City…"_

"_Godzilla…"_

"_Gojira, you moron!"_

"_Just like in the movies…"_

"_This is that criminal Spiderman's fault, I say!"_

"_Nothing can stop that thing. Nothing!"_

**  
**Days later…

The gigantic creature dubbed "Godzilla" hauled its massive bulk up the Empire State Building and roared to declare its dominance over the city and the world.

Lightning flashed.

Standing on top of the spire sixty-two meters above its head was a man.

Red hair burned out of his scalp like a fierce fire. His face was set in a permanent's death's head grin. He regarded the creature with contempt.

"**_An animal taking on the title of a 'god'?"_** He laughed. **_"You are no more a god than I am a mere man!"_**

The creature roared. Sensing the man as a threatm it belched fire at him. The flames melted the broadcast antenna and cut off thirty-five TV and FM stations' broadcasts.

But it had missed.

The man hovered a hundred meters above the creature's head.

"_**MISOUGI!"**_

Again lightning struck– save that no one had ever seen a **straight red** lightning bolt before. It hit the creature smack on the forehead– and exited through its throat.

The creature's bellow of rage instantly turned into a dying gurgle. Blood sprayed out of the hole in the back of its head in a crimson geyser. Claws screeched off concrete and steel, lost their grip as the muscles that powered them went slack.

The creature fell off the Empire State Building, hit the ground and lay quite still.

Examiners found that its skull was made of thickly armored bone that could stop anti-ship missiles. They also found a ten meter wide hole in it.

**  
**The red-and-blue Spandex costumed man sitting on the windowpane of the fiftieth floor of the nearby Chrysler Building whistled in appreciation and awe as the giant lizard lay dead upon the foot of the Empire State Building.

"Holy shit. Godzilla's just been KO'd big time. Who the heck did that?"

Suddenly, a familiar eldritch sensation seized him.

_Uh, oh! Spidey Sense! Tingling!_

"**_I killed it."_**

Directly ahead of him, bare feet adhering to the glass pane through the magical "can-do" properties of _qi_, Gouki glared.

"**_You are a worthy opponent… Come, then… let us fight and see how strong you are…"_**

Spiderman gulped.


	2. Devil Versus Dead Man

**The Ultimate Plot Device II**

"**Destroy All Enemies!"**

**  
**Written by Sheo Darren under threat of death from Gouki for calling him by his bastardized Capcom USA name

Conceived by Sho Tsuzuku and Sheo Darren on a boring day with too much booze at hand with Gouki within hearing range

**  
Chapter 02**

**Devil Versus Dead Man**

**(Gouki Goes To The WWE)**

** - **

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Street Fighter or the WWE or a substantial amount of money. So please, Mr. McMahon, please do not sue me.

* * *

"Cole," John Bradshaw Layfield asked his bookish fellow announcer in rather subdued tones, "I have never before seen a guy like this in my whole time in the business– indeed, in my whole **life**." 

"Me, too. I can't believe that this guy is actually standing there in the middle of the ring."

"I can't, either. He's Japanese, but he's bigger and well-built than any Japanese I've even seen. Hell, he's bigger than most people! Just take a look at him. His hair looks like it's burning out of his skull. His hands are so huge that he can probably squeeze your puny head in between his thumb and forefinger. He's got bigger biceps than Batista. Hell, he's built even better than Batista! This guy can probably slice his opponent into shreds just by hugging the poor man and grinding him against his pectorals! This man, Cole, is no man. He is a **demon**. A demon, I say!"

_I hope Vince knew what he was doing when he signed this guy up to a one-night contract,_ JBL thought sourly.

The man in the ring spoke in a harsh and booming voice. His words easily filled the whole stadium even without the use of a microphone.

"I am Gouki. I have come here to fight strong warriors. Whoever amongst you styles himself to be the strongest, I call on you to come forth and do battle with me in this ring."

"So who do you think will answer the challenge, John?" Cole asked over the crowd's roars. "Batista? King Booker? Finlay?"

"Whoever it is, he will have to be a man who has absolutely no fear of a monster. He will have to battle it out to the end with this raging demon– this **akuma**–"

JBL didn't finish. The lights died out all of a sudden. The whole stadium was plunged into darkness.

"Hey!"

"We know who this is!"

Tolling church bells hushed the jeering crowd. Sepulchral music made them shiver. Chilling images played upon the TitanTron screen: a stormy sky, an abandoned church, a rat, a skull. Thick smoke billowed from the entrance beneath the screen. It wrapped around the emergent man in the black trench coat like a swirling armor of gray mystique.

"It's the Dead Man!" the shocked Cole managed to gasp. "The Phenom's come to answer the challenge!"

"Monster against monster," JBL nodded. "He's the only one who can hope to win against Gouki."

"But who will win?"

"It doesn't matter who wins, Cole. Whoever wins, **we lose**…"

In the ring, Gouki was pleased.

Power issued out of the newcomer in a flood. Here was a worthy foe!

The man in the trench coat paused perhaps twenty feet from the ring. He brought his hands up to the blackened ceiling in a summoning gesture. His eyes rolled up so that only the whites could be seen. Then he sharply brought his hands down.

Blue-white lightning darted downwards from the ceiling to stab the four ring posts. The ring promptly collapsed onto itself.

Gouki maintained his footing throughout that impressive display of power. His blood-red aura rose up in challenge. He grinned.

_Whoever said there was no true warrior in this so-called "professional wrestling" was badly mistaken…_

"Come." The bearer of the _Satsui No Hadou_ eagerly beckoned to the man in the trench coat. "Come and fight me!"

"_**Gouki…"**_

The Undertaker glowered.

"_**Rest… in… peace…"**_

* * *

**Author Note:** Because he is one of my favorite wrestlers of all time, I made the Undertaker here a real unstoppable zombie possessing powers from the dark side. I also hope you liked the quote from the 2006 AVP trailer. 


	3. Akuma Versus Predator

It was the perfect hunter. It sought the perfect prey. It got what it wanted.

****

**  
**

**  
**

* * *

**The Ultimate Plot Device II**

"**Destroy All Enemies!"**

Written by Sheo Darren under threat of death from Gouki for calling him by his bastardized Capcom USA name

Conceived by Sho Tsuzuku and Sheo Darren on a boring day with too much booze at hand with Gouki within hearing range

**  
**

Chapter 03

**AVP**

**(Akuma Versus Predator)  
**

**Disclaimer:** Street Fighter, Ranma ½, Aliens and Predator are not mine. And now, since I called Gouki by his bastardized Capcom USA name, I will now commence runni–

Gouki: "Too late. Shun Goku Satsu!"

AUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! It burns! It burns!

* * *

**  
**

**  
**The hunter let a pleased purr issue from its mandible-armed maw. It had been tracking the ooman for a week now. Had known from the very first moment it set its eyes upon this creature that this was the perfect prey, even more so than the slickskins it had slain on its first hunt countless moons ago.

It had been on this planet for a month now. Its first selection as prey was an ooman called "Ranma" that dwelt within the twisted maze of stone and wood that his race called "Nerima". It proved to be a long and frustrating hunt. The "Ranma" ooman was extremely difficult to locate, was always embroiled in heated battle with other equally powerful oomans and had an amazing faculty for escaping. The hunter's every attempt to attack it ended in frustration. Whoever the "Ranma" ooman's opponents were at the moment, they would immediately turn on the hunter soon as it revealed itself. The "Ranma" ooman always took advantage of the hunter's distraction to hurriedly escape.

The hunter had come very close to raging. In one particular hunt where its prey had once more escaped, the hunter had angrily turned its plasma caster on one particularly frustrating and hideously strong ooman called "Ryoga".

Incredibly, said ooman rose unharmed, if smoking, from the glowing crater created by a plasma blast that would have vaporized anything else. That feat attracted the hunter's attention for a while– until the "Ryoga ooman" broke off to find another ooman it called "Akane". "Akane" proved to be an ooman female, surprisingly strong but still a female (and pregnant, too) and therefore forbidden as prey.

The hunter had almost known what the humans called "disgust" and "disappointment".

Then the hunter had heard of one other ooman, also of the "Japanese" race, who was even more highly regarded a prey by other oomans as the "Ranma" ooman.

Its name was "Akuma".

It was a most magnificent specimen. Exceptionally well-built for its race, it was as muscular as the hunter itself. Its skull was beautiful: rugged, pugnacious, vicious.

Its name in the human language approximated to "Devil". In the human language, "Devil" meant a very powerful, dangerous and vicious being. It was the only time the hunter bothered itself to translate. Most unwarrior-like and somewhat confusing, but the confirmation of it's prey's perfectness was delicious.

The hunter was beside itself with hungry anticipation. It could barely wait to fight this ooman and collect the skull. It walked over to where the ooman squatted next to a crackling fire. It made no attempt to mask its approach.

The ooman looked up.

The hunter deactivated its cloak of invisibility and stood revealed before the ooman.

The ooman also stood and looked it over.

The hunter discarded its weapons: plasma caster, combi-stick, spear gun, wrist knives and finally the mask. Clawed fingers opened and closed. Its mandibles clicked and chewed together.

The ooman bared its own fangs in challenge. "A worthy opponent," it uttered in its language.

The Predator copied the harsh and guttural voice. _"A worthy opponent…"_

Both combatants roared and attacked.

* * *

**  
**

**  
**The Predator Chieftain nodded in approval. Though its warrior had been defeated, it had died so with honor in combat against a worthy foe. There was no end more fitting for one of their kind.

Four warriors took the shattered body of their fallen brethren back to the waiting ship. The Chieftain turned to the victorious ooman that had defeated its warrior n single combat. A massive clawed fist presented an ornate combi-stick as trophy.

The ooman took the offered weapon. The Chieftain turned away majestically and walked back to his ship.

It was decided. Its kind would return to this world soon and seek this ooman's head. For it was the perfect prey.

* * *

**  
**

**  
**Gouki watched the massive alien vessel disappear into the night sky with intense interest and anticipation.

_Perhaps, one day, I shall leave this planet and find worthy opponents in the stars themselves…

* * *

_

**  
**

**  
**Author Note: Gouki and Ranma sure are popular, aren't they:)


	4. The Strongest Servant

**The Ultimate Plot Device II**

"**Destroy All Enemies!"**

Written by Sheo Darren under threat of death from Gouki for calling him by his bastardized Capcom USA name

Conceived by Sho Tsuzuku and Sheo Darren on a boring day with too much booze at hand with Gouki within hearing range

**Chapter 04**

**The Strongest Servant**

**(Bad Ending)**

**Disclaimer: **Street Fighter and Fate/Stay Night are not mine.

No one had ever dared to attack the Von Einzbern Mansion since it had been constructed more than two hundred years ago. The Von Einzberns did all the attacking in the Grail Wars. Which was why the current bearer of that illustrious surname, Iliyasfiel Von Einzbern, was quite startled when the magic barrier surrounding her home shuddered.

A powerful entity radiating killing intent had just forced its way through the protective screen of mystic energy. It was heading her way.

And it was not her onii-chan Shirou.

An inhuman roar caused the Manor to shiver. Berserker had felt it, too.

Iliya smiled. The intruder would learn his mistake very quickly– and too late to benefit him. "Berserker! Come!"

Master and Servant stormed out of the Manor. They found the intruder waiting not twenty feet down the path leading to the front entrance. He was a big man; far from Berserker's size, but still impressively big, with massive muscles and calluses.

"Who are you?" Iliya demanded from her perch on Berserker's right shoulder. "Why are you here?"

"I am Gouki. I have come here to fight worthy opponents."

Iliya subjected Gouki to a magic scan. She detected no magic on him. He did, however, possess a roiling mass of spiritual energy, not quite magic, what the Orientals call _qi_. Enough to rival a Servant.

"You're no Magi. You're not a Servant, either. How did you come here?"

"I heard of a great battle between mighty heroes to be held here. I wish to see and judge for myself if these so-called heroes are truly worthy."

"They are more than worthy." Iliya gestured to Berserker. "This is my Servant Berserker. He is Hercules, the mightiest hero in antiquity."

"Is he?" Gouki looked interested. "He is truly strong. Now," he gestured with a big callused hand, "Let us see how strong he is."

"I'll show you how strong he is!" On her mental command, Berserker put Iliya down. "Berserker! Attack!"

Gouki grinned. "Come!"

**  
**

**  
**"No! Berserker!"

The vanquished Heroic Spirit disintegrated into sparkling light. Iliya burst into tears.

Gouki looked down on the albino girl. "He was a worthy foe."

"He was my friend! Now, I have no one, nothing, to live for!"

Over the sobbing of a little girl, Gouki's gnarled face twisted in thought.

"This Grail War," he gruffly posed. "The most powerful heroes of history will fight here?"

"Yes…"

The Ansatsuken master nodded. "I see. Excellent."

**  
**

**  
**Outside Kotomine's church, Emiya Shiro, Tosaka Rin and Saber did double-takes.

The beaming Iliya rode on the right shoulder of a massive (but not quite as big as they'd expected) dark-skinned man in a black karate gi. He bled off copious amounts of deadly energy.

"That man isn't a Heroic Spirit," the surprised Saber murmured.

"What the hell?" Rin snapped. "Einzbern! What's this?"

Iliya grinned. "Meet my new Servant: Gouki!"

Shiro had a bad feeling about this.

**Author Note:** Iliyasfiel won this Grail War.


	5. Time Paradox

**The Ultimate Plot Device II**

"**Destroy All Enemies!"**

**  
**Written by Sheo Darren under threat of death from Gouki for calling him by his bastardized Capcom USA name

**  
**Conceived by Sho Tsuzuku and Sheo Darren on a boring day with too much booze at hand with Gouki within hearing range

**  
****Back To The Time Paradox**

(Or, Why He's So Damned Pro-Active In This Fan Fic, Instead Of His Canon "Lurk-Moar-Wait-For-Challengers-Then-Strike" Policy)

**  
****Disclaimer: **I don't own any of this. Do not sue. Also: read carefully.

**  
****Sometime in the 1970s…**

**  
**It was a good night for Gouki. His latest bout of self-training had brought him inches closer to the eternally-distant insight he sought. It still eluded his grasp, like air spilling out of hands that sought to capture it (for now he could catch and carry water in his cupped hands without wasting a single drop, such was the perfection of his control over his body), but he felt that sooner rather than later he would gain it at last.

He headed back to his cave home with his shadow and thought in subservient tow to his person.

_I will master the Ansatsuken! I will be greater than my Master Goutetsu and my brother Gouken! I will become the strongest in the world!_

**  
**The sky exploded into fire.

Gouki spun around and looked up in time to catch the flying leviathan scream overhead. Trails of orange-red flames traced its aerial wake.

He stared despite himself. It was a **train**. The kind of train that chugged about during the early part of the 19th century with thick billows of smoke chugging out of its funnel's flaring mouth. With gouts of fire beneath its ten-meter long body keeping it in the air.

He was impressed. A flying train? Even a driven martial artist could appreciate spectacular entrances and technological advances. Though it did strike him as a bit ramshackle…

The train slowed to a hovering standstill near him. It gently touched down upon the grass. The sliding panel door smoothly opened. An old man and a youngish-looking lad hopped out of the contraption and ran towards him.

"Gouki!" the old man yelled at him.

Gouki was impressed, not stupefied. "You know my name, but I have never seen you before. Who are you?"

"There's no time for introductions! You have to come with us!"

"You will make time." His tone brooked no argument.

"Doc, just tell the guy who we are," the younger man said. "But hurry!"

"Fine, Marty, fine. I'm Dr. Emmet Brown. This," the old man gestured to his companion, "Is Marty McFly."

Gouki nodded. "You are Americans? Foreigners?"

"In more ways than one. We've come from the future."

"The… future?"

The claim made sense, even to an elementally simple and violence-driven mind like Gouki's. He'd seen examples of what technology had accomplished over the years: wrist-worn time-keeping devices like the one Ojou-san wore that kept near-perfect time and could be ordered to shrill once a certain time was reached; boxes of electronic wizardry that allowed you to watch and listen to scenes from faraway lands and times; and of course those newfangled **konpyuuta**.

And it didn't hurt to have graphic visual evidence backing it all up. Jumbo jets and oil tankers impressed Gouki with their size. A **flying train**, though, easily had those titans beat in terms of marvelous wonder.

"Mr. Gouki, you have to come back with us," the old man– Doc Brown– insisted.

He was sufficiently distracted to murmur, "Back where?"

"Not where. When! Back to the future!"

That got him. Gouki was now fully listening. "Back to your time? Why?"

"To stop Judgment Day!"

"Judgment Day?" Callused brows rose. The term rang a mental bell. He was reminded of his pledge to become the master of Ansatsuken. True, he was already strong, but he still lacked that something to push him past his human limitations. What was it he missed? It eluded him. Teased him. Taunted him.

Intent. Killing intent.

"What is this Judgment Day?" Gouki growled.

"The beginning of Mankind's fight to preserve its existence as a species. Listen carefully," Doc Brown lectured. "In the near future, Mankind will build sentient Machines. Machines that can think for themselves. Don't ask why; it's not important. Anyway, these Machines will begin a war with Mankind. They will devastate Mankind, but Mankind will win because it has a mighty hero fighting for it. That hero," he pointedly looked at Gouki, "Is you."

The 'hero' laughed. "Hero? I? You have a sense of humor, old man…"

"I'm not joking! In the future, you will become a powerful warrior! One of the greatest– if not** the** greatest– warriors that Mankind has ever produced. You will have the power to sink islands! Defeat monsters come out of nightmares! Go into space and there spread your name and power and legend amongst the stars!"

That both pleased and troubled Gouki. To be assured about his fate as a great warrior delighted him to no end. (_Yes, I believe these foreigners did come from the future._) But, at the same time, knowing that his destiny was set in stone caused him to question himself. Where now the source of his drive to see just how far he could go, if he knew he was going to b able to do it, anyway?

For the first time in his life as a martial artist, Gouki felt sad.

"I've said too much," Doc Brown realized. "I may have inadvertently changed the timeline!"

From the train's open door, a shaggy dog stuck its head out. It barked. Repeatedly. Angrily.

Doc Brown and Marty froze. "Oh, no," the former murmured. "It's here!"

Gouki easily tasted the fear on them. Something had truly arrived. Something they feared. Something dangerous. "What is it?"

"The Machines' time-traveling hit-cyborg," Marty exclaimed. "A Terminator!"

"They've probably found out about Gouki," Doc Brown said. "They're trying to change the future!"

"Terminator." Gouki did not know what the English word meant, but it sounded deadly. "Good."

"No! Bad! Can't you understand English?"

He was about to say no, then realized something. "How can I understand you if you come from a different time and place?"

"Universal Translator! Come on, man!" Marty made for the train. Doc Brown was halfway there already. "We can still get away!"

"No."

The time-travelers stopped dead in their tracks. "Do you want to die?" Marty desperately asked.

**  
**_These strangers bring the gift of the future.__** My**__ future. They say I will not die in this fight. That I will have many fights to look forward to. That my renown as the Strongest is assured._

_But my future is not set by their words. My future is __**made**__ by __**my**__** hands.**_

Gouki grinned at the source of the approaching noise.

_Now, you machine warrior from the future! Come out and meet the man who will __**unmake**__ you!_

**  
**The foliage rustled. Parted.

The man who emerged was stark naked. His whole body seemed to be composed of well-toned muscle. He towered over Gouki, and Gouki was no ten-kilogram weakling.

"Oh, my God," Marty yelped, "It looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger!"

"The Governor of California," Doc Brown grunted almost resignedly.

"Huh? What was that, Doc?"

"Forget I said anything, Marty."

"Gouki." The Terminator spoke in a heavy foreign accent that would be called by those in the know as Austrian/German. "You're terminated."

**  
**"So what happened next, Gouki?" Iliya's blood-red eyes were wide with wonder. "Were you terminated?"

Gouki chuckled. He liked this child.

**  
A/N:** Yes, Gouki decided to stay over at Iliya's Manor for a while after winning the Grail War. He **is** old. Even Ansatsuken Masters possessed by Satsui no Hadou need to unburden their thoughts every now and then.

Anyway, I hope people who'd wondered about why Gouki has violated canon in this fic by actively going after people and critters is explained. Enjoy!


	6. Game Over

**The Ultimate Plot Device II**

"**Destroy All Enemies!"**

**  
**Written by Sheo Darren under threat of death from Gouki for calling him by his bastardized Capcom USA name

**  
**Conceived by Sho Tsuzuku and Sheo Darren on a boring day with too much booze at hand with Gouki within hearing range

**  
Six**

**Game Over**

**(Hide And Seek)**

**  
****Disclaimer: **None of the mentioned games are mine.

**  
**Gouki felt cheated.

He had traveled to the massively-fortified, heavily-garrisoned island the Americans called "Shadow Moses" in search of worthy foes. A single foe, to be exactly, that moved quickly and eluded his hunting efforts completely.

At Shadow Moses, he found many foes, some of them briefly worthy of attention: a giant of a man carrying a monstrous multi-barrel machine gun (Gouki took several Hadokens to defeat him, the giant was pretty well-armored); a psychic who could levitate objects and read his mind (Gouki canceled out the precog advantage by simply moving much faster than the psychic could react); a sniper woman who hid in the midst of raging winter and rabid wolves (Gouki torched the whole forest that the coward hid in; those who fought from concealment did not deserve his disgust…)–

**  
**Seated upon his throne within his mighty Tower, one foul fowl-named crime boss sneezed.

"Ah, Terry seems to be calling my name in vain again. Useless."

**  
**–and a cyborg ninja armed with superhuman agility, invisibility and a katana that could cut through anything– including Gouki's fireballs. Now, that last man was a true joy to fight!

His most epic battle, of course, was against the massive robot bristling with guns and armor. (Though it was not as exciting as his fight with the cyborg ninja. Ninjas were always fun to fight. The Mugen Tenshin and Shiranui clans continuously proved that adage. So did that Strider Hiryu boy.) Gouki was impressed that the robot was immune to his attacks. Hadokens and Shoryukens could not damage its armor. Shun Goku Satsu did not affect it due its lack of a soul.

Then he figured out the one weak spot– something called "radar"–, a fact helpfully pointed out to him by the very same ninja he fought earlier. And despite his wounds, the newly-arrived ninja took out the radar before dying at the feet of the robot. Gouki gave honor to this nameless warrior by taking down the now-open cockpit with a single, well-placed Hadoken.

The pilot proved to be no pushover. He was surprisingly strong and showed no qualms about fighting Gouki hand-to-hand. In the heat of battle he declaimed demeaning lines about his brother (or clone, whatever that was) in reference to their father (or original specimen). And he did so in a very oily British accent.

That last struck a nerve. Gouki was not bothered by sibling rivalry, since he himself killed his own brother to assume the title of "The Ansatsuken Master". But he had a hard time understanding foreign languages. Especially English. Most especially British English. Heavily-accented British English.

So, to give vent to his rare annoyance, he declared three words:

"Shun Goku Satsu."

In the end, he was indeed disappointed. Disgusted, even. For each interesting opponent, there were so many who got in his way. Weak soldiers who possessed a single and simple skill: generating an island-wide alarm for all of fifteen seconds. It was a minor irritation to avoid them all so as not to waste his time and energy with them, but no true challenge to one like him. And one was so pathetic as to suddenly develop diarrhea when taken by a case of nerves.

It was almost as bad as that other island he thought to use as a training ground– which happened to be where the Japanese government sent entire classes of high school students to kill each other. Even Gouki recognized that act for the evil it was. Unskilled and inexperienced children had no place in bloody battle. What a waste of young lives. He put a permanent end to that silly exercise as well.

So now he stood, alone, bare feet sinking slightly into the sandy beach several miles from the patch of choppy blue water where Shadow Moses once jutted out of the sea, his eyes burning, his qi in turmoil.

_What a waste…_

Suddenly, Gouki stirred. He felt it. That aura that led him to Shadow Moses. It was here! Nearby!

He turned around. No one. He spun about in a complete 360 degree circle. Nothing.

That is, nothing aside from a big cardboard box sitting by its lonesome ten feet away.

**  
TWITCH**

**  
**Gouki blinked.

_Did that box just move?_

He walked over to it.

The box moved an inch away.

Very curious now, Gouki took hold of the box and lifted it up.

**  
"!"**

**  
**_ "Snake? Snake? Snaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!"_

**  
**_**GAME OVER**_

_**CONTINUE?**_

_**E X I T**_

**  
**A/N: Guess which game this is from? Also, Battle Royal reference and Geese Howard Engrish quote.


	7. Ultra Gouki!

**The Ultimate Plot Device II**

"**Destroy All Enemies!"**

**  
**Conceived by Sho Tsuzuku and Sheo Darren on a boring day with too much booze at hand with Gouki within hearing range

**  
**Written by Sheo Darren under threat of death from Gouki for calling him by his bastardized Capcom USA name

**  
**Continued by Sheo Darren after years of hiatus following Gouki giving him an epic ass-whooping worthy of a three-movie deal with accompanying mega franchise (not to mention Kyugan's superb one-shot comic depiction of the original– thanks a lot, buddy!)

**  
****Chapter 07**

**Ultra Gouki**

**(a.k.a. Gouki and Ultraman versus Godzilla)**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Street Fighter, Evangelion, Godzilla and Ultraman.

Dedicated to **GalaxyFalcon** and **Kyugan**.

**  
**Special Observatory Deck, Tokyo Tower, Minato, Tokyo, Japan.

The Ikari family was enjoying their Sunday outing. Father Gendou bore eldest son Shinji up to the long-range viewer. Mother Yui held little Rei's hand.

"Wow, Dad! I can really see Mount Fuji from here! And is that the Photon Power Lab?"

Gendou chuckled.

"Hey, Dad, what's that?"

Curious as to what Shinji had seen, Gendou first lowered his son before peering through the viewer himself.

The ocean was frothing rabidly.

_What?_

**  
**Doom arose from the Pacific as the god of lizards walked the world anew.

The skyscraper-sized dinosaur marched into Tokyo. Its bulk crushed convoys and demolished buildings.

Armored plates lining its spine in a double row glowed. Its fanged maw spewed blue-white destruction. Everything touched by the beam vaporized.

The Japanese Self-Defense Force sallied to defend their homeland. Air Force fighters buzzed the monster. Army attack choppers and tanks engaged at close range. Infantry charged screaming.

They died quickly but bravely.

And the monster kept coming.

**  
**The Ikari family watched stoically as Tokyo burned and crumbled before them.

They had chosen to stay. The elevator had broken down in the stampede that followed. There was no way to escape their fate.

If this was the end, they wanted to go together, like a family.

Gendou and Shinji stood side by side. Yui crooned a lullaby to the sniffling Rei.

_Maybe if the canceled Evangelions had been built,_ Gendou allowed himself to consider. But the disaster in Antarctica years ago ended that project like a period ends a sentence.

_Perhaps this is for the best..._

"I love you," he told his family.

"Gendou…"

"Dad…"

"Papa…"

The monster turned towards them.

Something whizzed outside. Startled, he blinked, and then tried to follow the black blur.

Faster than a speeding bullet, leaping tall buildings in a single bound, the blur landed on the monster's head. The resulting rolling thunder cracked the thick glass of the Special Observatory.

"What the!" Gendou exclaimed.

**  
**Gouki grinned.

This monster was different from the one he'd fought in New York. It not only survived a Misougi to its head, it was fighting mad instead of stone dead.

"Truly… you may yet to deserve the title 'Godzilla'…"

"(Look out, Gouki!)"

Iliya's magical warning was unnecessary. Gouki had already spotted the flaming asteroid from earlier.

_Strange… it headed straight here as if it intended to land in this city…_

He dodged out of the way, phasing through several buildings, leaving afterimages in his wake.

The asteroid dodged around the buildings and continued to follow him.

Provoked, Gouki confronted his stalker.

**Greetings, Gouki,** said the asteroid.

The Ansatsuken Master stopped just short of launching a Shun Goku Satsu. "Who are you?" he growled.

**My name would translate to Hayata in your tongue. I come from the Land of Light in the M78 Nebula. I am the Chief of Space Garrison Milky Way Office. My mission is to protect the peoples of the universe from monsters like Gojira.**

**Unfortunately, the polluted atmosphere of your world hinders my power. To physically manifest on this world, I need a human host.**

**I need your help, Gouki. Let me lend you my power.**

"I do not need your help," Gouki growled, "Or anyone's help. I will win this fight with my own bare hands."

**Then let me at least bring you up to size, so to speak.**

**  
**Tokyo trembled.

Gendou gaped at the titan that arose between his family and impending death.

The firestorm-maned human was just as big as Gojira. He wore a tattered black gi with the ideogram for Heaven burnt into its back.

The giant man shimmered as he took up a traditional karate stance. His foot stomp shook the shattered metropolis around them.

"**HOOOHHH!!!"**

"S-Superman?" Gendou whispered.

"No, Dad," Shinji exclaimed. "He's **Ultraman**!"

**  
**Far away, Keel Lorenz buried his face in his hands. "Whoever wins, Instrumentality loses…"


	8. Hellblazer

I stick my cigarette into a merrily burning fire. Insert end here. The deep double lungful of hot smoke hits all the right spots.

Disaster's snapping at my heels and it's time that I was somewhere far away. It's all up to me again, ain't it? Somehow, I've got to stay ahead and get some new aces up my sleeve.

But right now, all I really need's a smoke.

"I know I'm not one of Yer favorites," I mutter beneath my breath. "I'm not even welcome in Yer house. But, I could use a little attention."

"Constantine!"

Bollocks. They always get my name wrong. It's pronounced like turpentine. -TYNE, not TEEN. Ask Etrigan. You'd think a Demon Lord of Hell would get it right.

My name's John Constantine. I'm not the nicest bloke you've ever met, but I do me best.

.

* * *

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**The Ultimate Plot Device II**

"**Destroy All Enemies!"**

.

**Written** by Sheo Darren under threat of death from Gouki for calling him by his bastardized Capcom USA name

**Conceived** by Sho Tsuzuku and Sheo Darren on a boring day with too much booze at hand with Gouki within hearing range

**Disclaimer:** Street Fighter and everything else I crossover with it in this fan fiction are not mine.

.

* * *

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**Chapter 08**

**Hellblazer**

**(a.k.a. NOT A Friggin' Fuku Fic This Time Around)**

.

A lot's been said about me. Everyone who's known me has their own pet theory as to who I am. Hellblazer. The Laughing Magician. Trenchcoat Brigadier. Con man. Occult detective. Gambler. Magician of ill repute. Magical arsehole. Memetic badass shrouded in mystery. The wizard who did it. That guy who looks like Sting in Quadrophenia or Castiel in Supernatural or Keanu Reeves in some bastardized American movie adaptation of my life story, the royalties of which I ain't seen a cent yet.

A cynical, cancer-ridden man whose life is doomed to continue soaked in bloody death and misery.

Papa Midnite's always told me my tar-crusted soul is the only one the Devil himself would personally come to collect.

He's right. What he didn't say is which devil was coming to collect it.

**All** of them want it.

This handsome bloke here's Diablo. al'Diabalos. Lord of Terror. Youngest and yet most powerful of the three Prime Evils that ruled over Hell. He looks like a Techicolor reject from a Godzilla movie. The real Japanese deal, not the tuna-eating lizard. American adaptations are always cock-ups.

He's currently first in line for my soul. Some poor sap decided to play Mage: The Awakening in real life. You'd think they'd learn after summoning Solomon Grundy one time too many. Or maybe they did learn. Least this time it wasn't the dark dimensions, the great unknown of the occult. Reaching into that world always ends in chaos and disaster, and every now and then something nasty with tentacles.

Oh, I know all too well what the dark dimensions can do. Long story short, I got turned into a magical girl. Briefly. And stopped only 'cos my sweet niece Gemma, for whom I worked my bum off to keep her away from magic, nicked my magical shtick from me and became Sailor Nemesis.

Bloody friggin' fuku, indeed.

Back to the current business. "Hello, squire," I drawl at Diablo. "Just won the amazing race, I see."

"Your false show of courage is amusing, Constantine," Diablo sneered. "But it is to no avail. Not even Death of the Endless can save you from me."

Oooh, you've got balls to be talking smack about Teleute. Don't fear the reaper 'cos she's nice? Fear the reaper cos' she's nice. You're just the Lord of Terror in Hell. You don't even have a Lantern Corps to your name. Despair will have you for snacks.

"Betcher life on t'at, D-boy?"

Oh, but that buggered him well an' good.

Ah, shite. He's so buggered, he's a-charging his laser.

"Any last words, Constantine?"

Didn't his mother teach him not to talk when his mouth is full? Ah, for the good old days of classy Lu running the asylum...

But I smirk. He asked for it. He's about to get it.

I'm the one who steps from the shadows, all trenchcoat and cigarette and arrogance, ready to deal with the madness. Oh, I've got it all sewn up. I can save anyone. If it takes the last drop of that person's blood, I'll drive the demons away. I'll kick them in the bollocks and spit on them when they're down, and then I'll be gone back into the darkness, leaving only a nod, a wink and a wisecrack. I walk my path alone... who would want to walk with me?

You're about to see just who. Time to summon bigger fish.

"Hey," I puff through my cigarette. "Gouki. Batter up."

"DYNAMIC ENTRY!" gleefully shrieks a little girl's voice.

And Diablo gets a faceful of flying kick straight out of a Bruce Lee flick.

His wave motion blast fires straight up into the air as he falls on his spiky arse. There goes Tokyo.

My new best friend from the land of the rising sun touches down in front of me. Christ, but he's huge. Especially when you compare and contrast with his little albino shoulder pet. You'd even think he was a devil himself. And he is. A devil in the art of fighting, the king of fighters himself.

You fight fire with fire. Devils with demons. Diablos with akuma.

"About time you showed up, mate," I greet Gouki.

"Excellent, Constantine." At least he doesn't mangle my name the usual way. "It is never a dull moment when you call."

"Glad you have my back, chum. Ansatsuken away."

"Raaargh!"

Oh, look, Diablo's back up on his clawed feet. "You again!" he snarls at Gouki. "What are you doing here?"

Oh, they've history together, eh? "Kicking your ugly mug for me," I answer. "With your arse next in line."

The little girl on Gouki's shoulder gracefully hops off. She curtsies to me. "Hello, John," she greeted.

"Pleased to meetcha again, Illya," I tell the red-eyed homunculi. I know Illyasviel von Einzbern by way of her gramps. Now there's a tight arsehole if I've ever seen one. But Illya here takes after her lovely mum Irisviel. "How's yer big brother... Sheo? Sherwin? What's his name again?"

Illya giggles. "Shiro-oniichan is tending the castle with Rin while Gouki and I are away."

"Good for you. You might want to step away from Gouki for now, princess. They're just about ready to rock."

"Of course. Will you lead me, John?" Illya held out her hand all lady-like. I oblige her by guiding her to a safe spot to watch the mayhem unfold. I even lend her a Rayban. I've one of my own. Light show's about to start, after all. Wouldn't miss this for the world.

**The wheels of fate are turning! Rebel One! Fight!**

"RED LIGHTNING HOSE!"

"MESSATSU GOU-HADOU!"

My name's John Constantine. I've got ringside tickets to the grandest game ever. Fuck off.

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* * *

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**Author's Notes:** Featured Hellblazer (with a little side dish of the Constantine movie) and Diablo II plus Fate Stay Night, DCU's Death of the Endless, BlazBlue and Guilty Gear, and the Sailor Moon-Hellblazer crossover fan fic Sailor Hellblazer written by David Tai and Rod M.

Jotted down the notes for this years ago with my friend Sho Tsuzuku. Lost the notebook containing those notes soon afterwards. Rediscovered them every now and then, only to forget about them just half an hour afterwards. Finally got down to writing it... while I read Sailor Hellblazer, which proved an invaluable aid, indeed. Completed the task in just two hours. Ain't aggravated inspiration grand?

Lots of lines were lifted straight out of Hellblazer and Constantine. Some tropes were also overdosed. I will not pretend my take on Constantine is the best. But I try my best.

Read Sailor Hellblazer. Rave about it. It's awesome.


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